i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize