Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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