I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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