I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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