So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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