Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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