dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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