when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
