Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
