He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
