oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
