one might say we're banned from that church
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
