Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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