State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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