i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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