dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
