so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
