just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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