shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
