it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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