I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
