Who did Billy Mays play for?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
