dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize