the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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