If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
