I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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