Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
