i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
