"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
