Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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