Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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