I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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