My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
handjob tips. give me some.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
