Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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