update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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