you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
