Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my liver is dry heaving
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
