when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
