So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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