Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
