I CAN MOONWALK!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
