booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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