i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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