my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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