ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
there is glitter all over my balls
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