I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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