your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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