I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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