dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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