I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
