I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
