we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
