Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
