Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A bitchslap is in order.
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