I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
