please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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