Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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