just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
