ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
