I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize