I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to have your abortion
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
