I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
