Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
