yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
