People in love make me want to vomit
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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